Chin Up, Head Down by Helena Tym

Author:Helena Tym
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: true story, death, bereavement, mourning, military, war, afghanistan, middle east, conflict, war, fear, stress, biography, military life, armed forces, loss, soldier, soldiers, IED, parent, parents, mother, father, charity, SSAFA, misery, taliban, army, fighting, memoirs, sadness, depression, strength, coping, adversity
ISBN: 9781908487285
Publisher: Andrews UK
Published: 2012-09-11T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 10: Medals Parade

I wonder how the other twelve bereaved families are doing. We all have a common thread and yet I think that meeting them in Northern Ireland is going to be very hard. We each go with our own grief, and yet it is a shared grief. We have all lost, and yet our loss is too personal to share. It will be strange. I’m very nervous about it but I know it is something that has to be done; it too is part of the healing process. We need to talk to those soldiers and tell them how very proud we are of them, and that we think of them every day, and hope that they are physically and mentally strong enough to carry on.

I suppose some of them will come to the end of their obligatory four years soon, and I wonder how many of them from C Company will stay in the Army after this tour is over. I would like to think that Cyrus would have stayed on. He was Army material; when he signed up his intention was to serve his twenty-two years, get his full pension and still be only forty when he came out. He would never have settled in civvie life - I think it would have been too mundane, and after the horror of war he would have needed to be with people who were also there and understood the nightmares. Who knows?

I still have nightmares - but theirs are real. Mine are only in my imagination; theirs are fact. I worry about how they will cope when they get back after losing friends, seeing others mangled and maimed. How does the human mind cope with this? I know that there are many people who step up and help, giving them space to shout and scream, listen to them, soothe them with words and actions. I also know that there are people who would help me, but part of me resists their help. How do they truly know what I’m going through or how those boys will feel when they get back to ‘normal’ life? If they’ve not experienced it all first-hand, how do they know what will help? I’m not sure that my grief is covered in any textbook, nor the grief of anyone else. I don’t think that I fall into the category of a ‘standard’ grieving parent. Who set the standard anyway?

We went to Ireland on Wednesday 4th November, 2009 to the Homecoming and Medals Parade. Our neighbour dropped us off at Heathrow, just as we had done for Cyrus so many times. I could feel my body start to constrict as we drew closer. So many memories, so many hugs so many waves goodbye. I wish I had never had to say goodbye.

Ian met us there and we were taken into the upgrade lounge. Free crisps, papers and drinks; the boys were amused by it, as we never normally get anything free when we travel anywhere.

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